Posted in KIMI NO SHIAWASE WO NEGATTEITA, Translated Danmei, Translations

KIMI NO SHIAWASE WO NEGATTEITA 2 : Chapter 2 -Part 1

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When I was in eighth grade, my mother told me that she was going to bring her Alpha friend and his twin children home to take care of them for a while.

I remember that the man who had lost his fated Omega in a sudden accident was very thin and pale.

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My parents explained that the twins, who were three years old at the time, were also mentally unstable due to the sudden loss of their mother and were crying and screaming to the point of turning blue.

They were in an uncontrollable state and since they couldn’t bear to see them like that, my parents decided to bring them home.

That’s how I met Mr. Raizo and the twins, Jin and Zen.

They were taken to a purely Japanese-style house that was built next to the main house to entertain guests from abroad.

They lived together with us for a year after that.

In the beginning, the twins’ babysitting duties were shared by my father and the housekeeper. However, they never stopped crying no matter who held them.

Their crying was so loud that their cries would reach the main house day and night.

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Since I was on summer vacation, I went to check on them in the middle of the night when I heard them crying so loudly and I found Dad trying to put them to sleep.

“Dad”

“Oh, Wakaba. I’m sorry, did their crying wake you up?”

Dad looked tired and pale from taking care of the twins every night.

Unfortunately, Dad was just a few days away from coming into heat, if the cycle didn’t go wrong.

Dad’s estrus was heavier than most omegas and he was more likely to get sick as the estrus period approached.

It was essentially a time when he needed adequate rest.

“You don’t look so good. Why don’t you get some rest tonight while I watch over them?”

“No that’s okay. I can’t leave them alone when they’re crying like this.”

The twins were clutching their little hands, red-faced and crying like monsters.

Dad held them both on his knees, rocking their bodies back and forth to soothe them.

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“I’m thinking, What if? I told you about your delivery, didn’t I, Wakaba? I just can’t help but think that if I had died that day, leaving Wakaba behind, you’d be crying like these boys right now.”

I don’t remember anything about the time I was a baby, but my mother told me every year that it was such a difficult birth that she had to choose between life and death.

If my father had lost his life, would my mother have ended up like Mr. Raizo?

“It’s sad for both the one who leaves and the one who gets left behind.”

Thumping the twins’ backs with a constant rhythm, Dad muttered sadly as he remembered those days.

“She was beautiful. She was tall and strong for a female omega. Raizo and Kanade were childhood friends.”

“Kanade went to France when she was in elementary school due to her parents’ work, and when she returned to Japan temporarily after her grandfather passed away five years ago, she met Raizo again and realized it was her soul mate.”

“They looked so happy when the twins were born. I didn’t know it was going to be like this.”

“Oh. That’s all right. Stop crying. Your throat will dry up if you keep crying so much.”

One of the twins stretched out on his back with his hands on my father’s chest.

My father hurriedly supported him as he was about to fall off his knees while now the other one was trying to get away by sticking his face under his arms.

It was like his whole body was expressing that this wasn’t the arm he wanted.

“Dad, let me hold one of these little guys.”

“All right, can you help me out a little bit?”

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I picked up the child who had escaped from my father’s arms.

He was sweating from crying too much and his pajamas were wet and soaked with sweat.

The child jerked at the unfamiliar hand and stopped crying for a moment and then began to cry again, as if he were on fire.

“Your throat will hurt from crying so much. Father, what are the names of these children?”

“The one in the blue pajama is Jin and the one in the green pajama is Zen.”

So this is Jin, then.

I wiped his wet cheeks with the palm of my hand and walked around the room in a circle, holding him vertically.

“Jeez! Jin-kun[1], Jin-chan[2]. Stop crying; let’s go to sleep now, okay?”

It was quite a lot of hard work to mimic my dad and shake my body as I patted him on the back and walked around the room. He was so heavy for a little guy.

As I walked around, holding him up again from time to time, he gradually stopped crying and started doing cute little hiccups.

His eyes were starting to roll back so he rubbed them with his free hand in a clenched gesture.

When the youngest child in my cousin’s house made this same gesture it was a signal that he is getting sleepy, so maybe Jin-kun is about to fall asleep.

He stuck his cheekbones to my neck and I thought he had already fallen asleep, but then he got a cute hiccup and started crying again with a funny little whimper.

“Oh, okay. I know you don’t like hiccups. Go away bad hiccups, go away!”

So close! He was so close.

As I continued to pat him on his back, I heard his breathing slow down to a regular pace as he finally went to sleep.

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“I’m surprised; I didn’t know that Wakaba had a talent for babysitting.”

When one of the twins stopped crying, the other in Dad’s arms stopped crying in sync, and he looked at his sleeping brother with a strange look on his face, sucking his little fingers in wonder.

“Is it okay if I put him on the futon?”

“Be Gentle and try lying him down.”

I bent down slowly so as not to wake him up and let Jin down on the futon.

After a single cry of frustration, he fell asleep with his face buried in the quilt.

“Dad, give Zen to me too.”

Zen, who had already stopped crying, didn’t take long to fall asleep as I held him and walked around the room, just like I did with Jin.

I tried to lay him down next to Jin, but he wouldn’t let go of my hair, so I was forced to lie down with him.

“Dad, why don’t you go get some rest? I’ll be watching over them tonight. If they start crying again and things get out of hand, I’ll call you on the internal line.”

“But…”

“Mom has been sad because she can’t sleep with Dad.”

With that, Dad’s expression melted away.

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It looks like the alpha mom is protecting the omega dad, but in reality it’s the male omega spoiling the female alpha.

He must be thinking about how cute she is now.

“Just for tonight” Dad said as he walked out of the bedroom.

I spent the night lying next to the twins, occasionally patting them on their butts when they cried or whimpered in their sleep.

I started singing the lullaby my dad had sung to me when I was a kid.

The warmth of Zen’s body snuggling next to me and holding my hair made me sleepy.

I smiled as I watched over them and fell asleep in earnest at some point.


[1] It is used to address men who are younger or the same age as the speaker.

[2] It expresses that the speaker finds a person endearing.

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KIMI NO SHIAWASE WO NEGATTEITA 2 : Chapter 1 -Part 5

” You know him?”

Sasanami looked at me, who was very much flustered and then at Mr. Raizo, who even though he was held up, still wore a relaxed expression on his face.

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He then released the hand that was holding Mr. Raizo’s chest, but still kept me hidden behind his back.

It seems that he still didn’t trust Mr. Raizo.

” He is my mother’s friend.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you; Wakaba seems to be well taken care of.”

Oh, again with that wicked look on his face.

Mr. Raizo is a very trustworthy person and has always been very kind to me, but he likes to make fun of others, especially young alphas.

Right now, he is being deliberately annoying, using a sarcastic tone and giving a distasteful smile.

“Really? Was he being threatened then[1]?”

It was obvious that Sasanami impression of Mr. Raizo was bad because he kept a vigilant expression on face.

” Who would dare to threaten me? My mother would scare away any potential harm coming my way.”

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My mother is what you would call a femme fatale, she was at the pinnacle in terms of Alpha’s abilities and she is well known for doting on her family.

She would go into a destructive rampage, had she heard that something happened to me.

Thanks to that, there were some people who were interested in me, an omega with a pheromone abnormality, a valuable entity of sorts, but there was no concrete damage, and I’ve been able to live by to this day, reaching 25 this year.

But more than once I have caught my parents looking at me like I was the victim of my family’s influence.

“I would never hurt our cute Wakaba, isn’t that right?

“Who are you calling cute… I’m already 25, you know!”

Mr. Raizo, who has lived with me when I was in junior high school, still treats me like a child.

It’s not a problem for him to say that I’m cute, because he doesn’t mind saying things that other people would laugh at if they heard him.

“So, I’ll send Wakaba to his room, you can go home now.”

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” Sasanami, thank you for worrying about me. I’m fine now.”

It wouldn’t be a good idea to let these two stay together any longer, so I told Sasanami that he didn’t need to worry and asked him to go back.

Still looking displeased, Sasanami returned to the car he had abandoned and left.

As I looked at the car’s taillights getting farther and farther away, I suddenly felt drained and exhausted, I really felt like I was about to collapse.

My body, which had been responding to my soul mate’s pheromones, had reached its limit.

“Wakaba, are you in heat? How could you stay with an Alpha in this state?”

Mr. Raizo kept scolding me some more, reminding me of how dangerous this situation was.

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He then held my waist as I rested my head on his shoulder and helped me get into the elevator.

He even unlocked my apartment and carried me to my bedroom.

“Mr. Raizo, I took the inhibitor and you know as well as I do that my pheromones don’t work.”

“That’s not right. Even if your pheromones don’t smell, you could still attract people!”

Lying down in a daze, I looked up at Mr. Raizo and found that his eyes were serious as he stroked my bangs.

I’m glad that he’s that concerned about me so I sweetly rub my head against his hand just like I used to do in the past.

”Hmm, I’ll be careful. I’m sorry, Mr. Raizo. I shouldn’t have met him today.”

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“Yeah, I know. I’ll lock the door for you, you just go back to sleep. I’ll be in Japan for a week. Let’s get some dinner while I’m here. We have a lot to catch up on.”

“Thank you, I’ll call you.”

Mr. Raizo is also an alpha who has a soul mate. Technically, though, I should say he’s an alpha who had a soul mate.

He knows a lot about Omega’s heat period, so since he knew I will be stuck in bed for a while, he prepared some water, some nutritional supplements and fruit and other light things and put them by the bedside for me to eat.

“Well, I’m going to go home now, is there anything else you need?”

“No, thank you, it’s enough.”

Oh right, I hurriedly stopped Mr. Raizo, who was about to leave.

”Ah, Mr. Raizo, I have a favor to ask you.”

“What’s wrong?”

Mr. Raizo came back to the side of the bed and stroked my head with gentle eyes.

It’s the kind of look you give when you want to spoil a child.

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The same look that he gave me back in junior high school, when he admonished me for being frightened by the impulses of my still-unaccustomed estrus period.

If you look at me like that, I’m afraid I’m going to be spoiled to no end.

“Don’t tell my parents about this, okay? I just finished my estrus for this month. My cycle has been a little out of balance lately. I don’t want to worry them.”

“Did you go to the hospital?”

“Yeah, I think it’s more of a psychological thing.”

This is a lie.

But I thought that if I said this, Mr. Raizo, who knew about my failed wedding, would be convinced.

And sure enough, Mr. Raizo agreed with a pained look in his eyes.

”I see, don’ be too hard on yourself. Alright, I won’t tell them, but if anything happens, do you promise that you’ll turn to me for help? I know there are some things you can’t tell your parents, but don’t hide anything from me.”

“Yeah, I promise.”

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As someone who has already lied to you, I feel so small, but I can’t tell you about Sasanami.

I’m sure Mr. Raizo will keep quiet about it, but there will be times when he will accidentally slip up.

That’s why I should be the only one to know the truth.

I nodded, and this time Mr. Raizo left and locked the door as promised.

Hearing the sound of the lock clicking, I freed my body with relief.

I stripped my clothes off my burning hot body and rubbed my face against them, smelling the faint scent of Sasanami’s pheromones through my jacket.

Today, the two of us were too close to each other.

I could smell Sasanami’s pheromones from my jacket and my hair, and I felt my head boiling with crazy lust.

I licked my wrist with my tongue, remembering his warmth when he grabbed me and pulled me away from the crowd at the Aquarium.

I felt my lower half react to the stimulus as the love juice overflowed from between my legs.

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“Sasanami, I’m sorry. Sasanami………”

I shouldn’t be dirtying Sasanami like this, but I can’t stop my body from drowning in heat.

While sucking on my jacket, which emitted the scent of Sasanami’s pheromones, I stuck my fingers behind my back and moved it the way I wanted.

How much longer can I keep this up? If we keep meeting up like this, I might go crazy and attack Sasanami one day.

The only way to escape this urge is to have someone bite the nape of my neck.

That way, I won’t react to other alpha’s scent.

I know that, but I’m still afraid.

I can’t help but pity the person who will be cut off from their fated person because of me.

However, the most frightening thing would be the fact that I would no longer be able to smell Sasanami’s pheromones.

Selfish and helpless, this is my true heart.

I want to give up, I should give up, but I can’t move on my own.

If someone would hold me down and bite the nape of my neck without saying a word, wouldn’t that be fine?

Or, if someone who loves Sasanami and is loved by him appears and Sasanami bites the nape of that person’s neck, then I’ll be free from his pheromones.

Please, show up as soon as possible before I go crazy.

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The empty masturbation while repeating ‘I love you’ and “I’m sorry”, continued until dawn.

As the sun rises, I hugged my body, which has finally settled down with the sunrise.

As I drifted to sleep, I still only had Sasanami in mind.


[1] I think as in, did he need me to protect him just now?


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KIMI NO SHIAWASE WO NEGATTEITA 2 : Chapter 1 -Part 4

“Come on, let’s go.”

“We’ll be holding a dolphin show in the outdoor pool soon.”

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As soon as the announcement was made, everyone around us began to move in unison.

The aisle was filled with people, and I, who wasn’t very tall, almost lost sight of Sasanami.

“Excuse me, please let me through.”

Oh no, I was squeezing through the crowd and thought that I wouldn’t be able to get out, when suddenly a hand reached through, caught me by the wrist and pulled me back.

“Whoa, whoa!”

“Are you okay? Moving through this many people can be dangerous.”

The aisle was so jammed with people that the distance between us and the people walking in front of us was pretty none existent, if someone happens to fall down, then it is very likely that the rest of us will follow suit just like Domino’s.

“Please proceed slowly” The staff member instructed with a loud voice in order to be heard by the masses.

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“There’s a problem with the single entrance to the outdoor pool. If we had three entrances, one on the front, one on the exit side and one in the center, there would be less crowding and the flow of traffic would be smoother. They have just opened, but if I were the owner, I’d still renovate it.

Suzunari, come here. Let’s wait here until the area is clear.”

Sasanami, who has calmly analyzed the architectural design flaws of this facility from a manager’s perspective, led me to the end of the aisle and made me stand by the wall, and then stood in front of me, sheltering me.

He is standing so close to me.

So close that the collar of Sasanami’s shirt is right in front of me.

It was the first time I got to smell his pheromones in such a close proximity; I was so shook that I pressed my back against the wall behind me, sticking to it tightly.

“It’s terrible; it’s like morning rush hour when going to work.”

“Do you take the train to work?”

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I closed my mouth in the nick of time, I was about to make the same mistake I made earlier.

I have heard that when Sasanami was in College, he used to take the train to school in order to stay with her as long as possible when she was still in high school.

She was a bit of an oddity, even though she was a female Omega, she still chose to work part-time jobs, she also used public transportation to get to school and did other volunteer work, actively participating in cleanup activities and charity bazaars.

From what I understood, she did all of that in order to learn about society.

I’m sure that this is how he protected her from the passengers on the crowded train every day.

Standing next to me right now, I can relate, I feel a sense of superiority at the fact that I am well looked after, with this distance between us, that is close yet still not, but that doesn’t allow others to come in.

“To me, it feels like the crowd of students on the first day of school.”

“Oh, sure that was bad too.”

“If it’s this crowded, I don’t think there would be enough seats, I guess we will be standing up.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry.”

Sasanami seemed to have reserved a seat for the dolphin show. I didn’t know you could book a seat at such a show!

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I have come to realize that Sasanami’s face can make a lot of different expressions, like when he is commuting to work during rush hour, when he is being a gentleman while charming a beautiful girl at a party, or when he is being a prankster and laughing with a wicked smile.

The truth is that even without the fact that he’s an alpha; Sasanami is still a very attractive guy.

It’s okay, I’m sure someone will definitely appear and will accept and love everything about him.

Someone who would still hold and protect the heart that still loves her.

I’m sure they will appear sooner rather than later, and in a blink of an eye, they will take Sasanami out of that lust-filled human wall surrounding him.

“Can you open the window for a moment?”

“Here you go, your face is really red, was it that hot today?”

“It looks like the wine I had for dinner came around.”

It’s getting late.

I had too much fun and lost track of time.

The city has already passed through the evening and the stars could be seen twinkling in the dark sky.

Normally we would have parted ways long ago.

I secretly took an additional heat suppressor at dinner, but my body temperature was already too high to ignore.

The inside of the car was full of Sasanami’s scent and I was getting dizzy because we were in a closed space intensifying the scent of his pheromones.

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Recognizing that my face was blushing in response to my soul mate’s scent, I asked for the car window to a be open a little.

I blamed the redness of my face on the wine and let the cold night breeze blow my bangs.

Since Sasanami was driving, he only drank Perrier, so I was going to refrain from drinking too, but I’m glad I took him up on his word not to refrain. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to fake a red face.

“I had fun today. Will Suzunari invite me next time?”

“Oh, speaking of which, we did say that right? So I am going to have to make plans to entertain Sasanami? It’s going to be quite the challenge!”

“I am fine with anything and I’m already looking forward to it. I’ll see you next time.”

After making this promise, I was looking at Sasanami’s car as it started to move completely unaware that someone was approaching me from behind.

“Welcome back.”

“Whoa!”

The person picked me up from behind.

Caught off guard and alone, all I could do was scream pathetically and struggle to get free.

“Wakaba, it is me.”

“Mr. Raizo!”

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I stopped freaking out at the sound of the familiar voice, but then I heard Sasanami’s shouting along with the sound of the brakes and the violent closing of the car door.

“Hey, what are you doing?! Get away from him.”

Sasanami, who had a stern look on his face, pulled me to his side sheltering me behind his back and proceeded to grab Mr. Raizo’s chest.

He seemed to be in a hurry to hit, so I quickly tugged at his clothes trying desperately to pull him away.

“Sasanami, Sasanami! Wait, it’s okay. I know him!”


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KIMI NO SHIAWASE WO NEGATTEITA 2 : Chapter 1 -Part 3

The fifth date was at the newly opened aquarium.

It has a huge aquarium and there is also a coffee shop where you can relax and enjoy the view.

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Having the pleasure to gaze at gigantic rays, whales and sharks swimming around them gave a mysterious feeling that was quite popular with people right now.

After a while, I suddenly noticed that we were surrounded by couples. Feeling a bit uncomfortable at the sight of them snuggling together and acting lovey-dovey with each other, I chanced a careful look at Sasanami. The latter was standing leisurely with a light smile on his face staring at a tank where jellyfishes were swimming.

I imagined him as a student with this same soft expression and wondered if he had gone out like this with her as well.

I felt my heart sting a bit.

I’m sure they were holding hands like the couples surrounding us right now, smiling at each other, and enjoying their date.

I hope that one day he will be able to have that again.

Rather than forcing yourself to forget her, a day will come when you meet someone who can gently submerge you with their love, you will join hands and embrace life together.

“Wow”

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I hurriedly turned my gaze away from Sasanami, who turned to me without warning, so that he wouldn’t realize that I was looking at him all this time.

“If you are tired, how about we take some rest?”

I nodded, feeling relieved that he hadn’t noticed my staring.

Sasanami walked in front of me to guide me along the way.

“Well, it looks like there’s a cafe; I hope there’s a table available.”

“It should be fine.”

Sasanami seems to have reserved a seat in advance.

We didn’t have to wait long before the waiter came to lead us to the seat in front of the huge aquarium that had the best view. Sasanami then ordered tea and I ordered a milkshake for myself.

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It seemed like I could fall in love with the sight of him cross-legged in the dimly lit space where the blue of the tank was reflected, and he was sipping his cup of tea elegantly.

The migratory fish that swam around in groups looked very happy and free, but I’ve heard that some of them will die if they stop swimming because they would stop breathing.

We gaze at the pretty image of the fish thinking they are swimming so gracefully, but I guess the fish are just struggling to survive.

“You are living on your own, right? How’s that going for you?”

“Well, I’m doing it somehow”

I started living alone last month. The reason was to hide my irregular estrus from parents.

The moment I get close to Sasanami’s pheromones, I go into heat.

I used to lock myself in my room and take strong inhibitors when I went out, but it was getting harder and harder to do that.

You may be able to hide your scent, but if they see my red, flushed face and moist eyes, the odds of being found out would be high.

At this rate, if I don’t leave, my parents will one day notice something wrong with me and will keep questioning me about it or worse, they could force me to go to the hospital.

I don’t know how much the tests will reveal, but in the unlikely event that the diagnose shows that “your son seems to be responding to the pheromones of his fated soul mate”, there will be a huge uproar.

It’s fine if they just make a scene though.

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However, if they analyze my behavioral patterns and discover that the other party is Sasanami, then it would be over.

So taking all of this into account, I told my parents that I needed a change of scenery to brighten up my mood.

My father was worried that I was acting strange, so he objected, but my mother agreed on the condition that I regularly visit my parents’ house.

“Sasanami, you have lived alone for a long time, haven’t you?”

I regretted the words right after I said them.

Sasanami started living on his own right after graduating from College.

He had bought an apartment for their future life together, with her.

This conversation was tasteless.

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” Well, I bought an apartment right after graduation and started living on my own, so now I’m very good at housework. At first, I couldn’t do any laundry or cooking at all and my room was a mess, but once I got used to it, cooking became a lot of fun. If you have any questions, as a senior, feel free to ask me about anything.”

“Oh, yeah. I’ll have you teach me how to cook next time. I broke another frying pan yesterday.”

I let out a breath, relieved that he’d let it slide so lightly, it seemed like he didn’t notice.

Since our “dates” purpose is mainly to help Sasanami get a bit of distraction from his feelings of heartbreak, I should be careful not to bring up matters that would upset him again.

“Surprisingly, Suzunari seems to be able to do everything without a hitch, but you’re not good at cooking? Okay, I’ll invite you to my house and gave you a treat. Of course, you’ll have to help me with that.”

“Take it easy on me, okay?”

My heart fluttered at the thought of being invited to Sasanami’s house. Even if it is just a social casualty, I was still excited.

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”Well, let’s get going now. It’s time for the dolphin show to start.”

“Oh, wait. I’ll settle the bill.”

Sasanami picked up the receipt and started walking briskly.

I had hoped today would be the day I get to pay for once, but I was late again.

Sasanami always ends up picking up the bill before I even notice.

I think the fact that he does these things so smartly is because he is so used to dating. On the other hand, when it comes to things like dating, the only experience I have is going out with Takamichi when we were preparing for our wedding.

I can’t really compare with Sasanami.

“I invited you so it’s only natural that I should be the one to pay.”

“No, but you are always the one who pays for everything. At least let me pay for today.”

” Well then, next time you ask me out, Suzunari. I will let you pay then.”

“Eh!?”

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I was taken aback at the smoothly spoken lines. Should I invite Sasanami out?

When to do it? Where to go? What to do? The words, like a play on words, went in circles in my head.

“I am always the one asking you out, but I thought maybe Suzunari couldn’t say no to me and had no choice but to accompany me along.”

“If it’s not a nuisance to go out with me, I want you to ask me out next time, Suzunari. If I don’t hear from you, then I’ll refrain from asking you out from then on. I would still feel sorry though that I had been burdening you.”

“I don’t think you are a nuisance!”

Did it look like I wasn’t having a good time? If not Sasanami wouldn’t think like this!

It’s impossible. Well, our dates have been so much fun, so of course I’m happy.

Besides, having the chance to spend time with my beloved makes it even more amazing!

However, I couldn’t let Sasanami know that, so I tightened my lose face and tried not to show my emotions.

When walking next to him, I’d sometimes touch Sasanami’s swaying fingers at my side, so I would take a step back.

I also walked with my head down because I didn’t want him to turn around unexpectedly and find me staring dreamily at his back.

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If our eyes met, all I could do was turn my head away and look at his shoulder instead so that he wouldn’t be able to see the look that screamed “I’m in love with you” like he is used to get from the other guys.

Did this kind of attitude make it seem like I was forcing myself to go out with him?

“Then I’m looking forward to your invitation.”

My heart jumped at the sight of Sasanami laughing like a mischievous child.

I mean, he also can make this the kind of face?

I like his usual aloof look, but the one he has right now has a more intimate feel to it which makes it extremely rare.


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Posted in KIMI NO SHIAWASE WO NEGATTEITA, Translated Danmei, Translations

KIMI NO SHIAWASE WO NEGATTEITA 2 : Chapter 1 -Part 2

There was a glamorous group of people at the party celebrating the New Year.

The person in the center was someone I knew well.

I wonder how many people have dressed up with their best clothes to be in his presence, polished up from head to toe and gazed at him with longing in their eyes, wanting him to take their hands in his.

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When the news of his breakup got out, a wall of people begin gathering around him, making him unable to go anywhere. And so, he had decided to have two bodyguards around always trailing close by.

He…Sasanami has changed a bit.

The expression that used to be as calm as spring, was now impregnated with a sharpness that seemed to make one tremble with just a single look.

This made him have a wild and sexy image, but I know the real Sasanami. The one that belonged to her.

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The current Sasanami, who is different from the original one, seems to be like a tightly-knit thread and I’m worried that it will get cut off one day[1].

I know that I am partly responsible for the change in him, and as such, I really have no right to worry about him.

Sticking to both of his sides are the Omega man and the Alpha woman who are rumored to be his latest favorites.

I can’t help but frown at Sasanami for not having much of a taste.

I’m not saying this out of jealousy, but because I don’t hear any good things about these two.

The woman has only the bottom ability as an alpha, so she just leans into more powerful alphas and uses her beauty and her body to seduce them. I’ve heard more than one or two stories of people falling prey to her and having their fortunes eaten up.

I also heard that the man was an expert at pheromone traps, cleverly setting the stage according to his estrus and forcing a lover contract on a wealthy alpha by exposing him to his pheromones during his heat. It seems that he has chosen Sasanami as his next target.

If that’s who Sasanami chooses to keep by his side, then it is fine. As long as he’s happy, I am fine with whoever partner he decides to be with.

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However, looking at the current situation, it is only a matter of time before his surroundings start kicking and ripping each other off to win the right to be next to him.

It’s a situation where you can’t hide away and your opponent is stubbornly chasing after you all over the place.

There are those who openly and proudly states that they have already been with him, saying:” He had chosen me to comfort him”.

And there were those who tried to gain some sympathy by complaining about Sasanami’s coldness, saying:” He slept with me and then just threw me away”.

Even then, the other party is just telling her side of the story, and only the other person involved knows what the whole truth was.

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What I hate about this is that Sasanami is surrounding himself with these kinds of people. People who would unscrupulously divulge such intimate information about their relationship without his consent, and yet, I don’t even have the right to advise him about it.

[You haven’t gotten back on your feet yet, have you?]

That’s how much of a scar I have carved into Sasanami’s heart.

[Sasanami…]

The moment I called his name in my heart, I turned and locked eyes with the man himself.

Looking at the timing, it seems like I was impatient as if my voice had been heard.

I bowed my head lightly, and Sasanami started walking through the crowd towards me.

“Suzunari, you came?”

“Ah”

“You seem to be doing well as usual.”

“Thank you.”

Since that time, Sasanami seemed to recognize me as a friend and started talking to me whenever we meet at a social gathering, just like today.

It is both a blessing and a curse, I try my best to exchange greetings without showing anything on my face.

A blessing because I get to talk to Sasanami even if it is just a mundane conversation.

A curse because my instincts start pulling me towards him, wanting desperately to be with him.

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My estrus as an Omega seems to have completely broken out of cycle.

Even if I had just finished my estrus period three days ago, if I smell Sasanami’s pheromone, my body would go into heat again.

I was relieved that I had been drinking a strong inhibitor in advance while being impatient with my body’s reaction to my soul mate’s presence and disappointed in my own pheromone deficiency, that prevented my scent to be transmitted to Sasanami.

How selfish of me to be disappointed that he can’t smell my pheromone when I absolutely mustn’t let him know that he is my soul mate.

I’m sure I swore not to interfere with his life, I even heard him say, “I’m horrified.”

Somewhere in the back of my mind, am I still expecting a “maybe”?

How despicable of me.

“Suzunari, are you listening?”

“Eh, sorry, what?”

“So, why don’t we go somewhere to relax next time? Both of us are busy with work, but sometimes we need to take a break.”

The two at his sides both threw a sharp look at me. Seeing me talk with Sasanami they wondered “Who is this guy?” and immediately after changed to a proud face.

I’ve made it known that I’m an omega and that I have a problem with the organ responsible for emitting my pheromones, so they both knew about my body and naturally thought that it was impossible for me to be Sasanami’s partner.

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Reassured that there was no way an omega like me, who couldn’t satisfactorily entice with his pheromone, would be able to seduce an Alpha like Sasanami, that person leaned on his arm to show his advantage.

[If you didn’t stare so much, Sasanami would not need to invite me out]

I would never ask him out. But if going out with me for a distraction would help Sasanami’s feelings even a little bit then I don’t mind.

“Yeah, let’s go out sometime.”

After carefully choosing his words according to social conduct, Sasanami just said “contact me” and returned to the busy crowd.

At a later date, Sasanami actually called me to really confirm our plans, and I replied that I was free on the 20th of this month, trying my best to calm my nerves.

He told me he would drive to my house to pick me up, and I waited for that day, counting on my fingers, feeling excited and afraid, like a junior high school student on a first date, spending hours trying to decide on what to wear.

Since then, Sasanami and I have continued to interact with each other. It’s already the fifth time we’ve made plans to go out with each other. He was always the one to invite me out.

At the third time, Sasanami said something like “I feel comfortable with you”.

That doesn’t mean he likes being with me, but that it’s easier to be around the me who doesn’t entice him in a sexual way.

As usual, There was a lot of people around Sasanami, the two people who had been on either side of him at the New Year’s party had been replaced by others before he knew it.

A precious OMEGA friend who doesn’t entice Sasanami by either pheromone or attitude. That is my position right now.

I am very happy that I was accepted as a friend.

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However, my instincts reacted violently to Sasanami’s pheromones, and I suffered from a terrible heat on the night we went out together.

No matter how much I tell myself to give up, my body will go against my will.

It screamed to me that I loved him, that I wanted him to hold me but all I could do was apologize while comforting myself over and over again[2].

The saving grace in this situation is that even when I’m in an intense heat, my pheromones don’t give any smell, unless, your nose gets close enough to touch my neck.

If I take an inhibitor, I will be almost odorless.

Sasanami, who was only a friend, would never bring his face so close to my neck, and therefore would never know that he was my soul mate.

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If he ever found out the truth and showed disappointment and disgust on his face, thinking that I have been pretending to be harmless while I cheated him, I wouldn’t be able to take it, my heart would probably stop.


[1] One day, he won’t be able to bear it and snap.

[2] Relieving his sexual needs.


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